can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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