Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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