I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize