I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
