I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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