I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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