I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
