The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
