There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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