So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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