my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
