The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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