Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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