When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
