I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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