yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
