Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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