im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
