Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
