my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
