stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
