why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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