i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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