Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
