well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
