no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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