The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
