The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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