omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize