I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
