I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Such a big mess for such a small penis
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
