Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
