I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
