He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
