you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize