Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Everything about him screamed your future.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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