census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize