I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
