the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
