I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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