the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
