your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
