I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
