Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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