I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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