i used baking grease as lip gloss
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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