Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
