even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
