Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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