I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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