How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
