Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
