Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
