boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
