wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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