Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
