Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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