Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
