We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
