Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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