Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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