I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
