I feel great
I just peed on a car
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
