I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
