we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
