Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
